it’s tuesday and it’s 6am
Since starting this blog I’ve been writing about flashbacks of my life, nothing current. Here’s the current that’s been on my mind nonstop enough to make me write it:
I am sad and I am scared. Sad to leave California, to no longer be running First Neighborhood Day Camp, to say goodbye to so many incredible people. Being here, doing this, for three years has been more of a life changing experience than I ever expected. I have watched kids of all ages grow and change and cannot even describe what that feels like. I know I love New York, I’m pretty sure that’s where I want to be, but this, all of this, is what I’ll miss:
-the sound of their voices and the feeling of their little hands and arms wrapping me in tiny-person hugs.
-the way Southern California air feels inside my mouth and nose, cleaner, more purifying somehow.
-the staff members that I’ve worked with and hired, that I’ve seen move from LITs to CITs to counselors and leaders, but most importantly, to friends.
-delicious summer days where sunshine slides against my shoulders and kisses me with little freckles.
-driving (this is simple and easy but I will miss it)
-the people I went to high school with who have all chosen California in their futures, people I love and can’t say when I’ll ever see again
-the people that I always knew I’d miss
CARRIE: who has remained a cherished best friend to me, despite how infrequently we see each other. Who is sparkly and beautiful, inside and out, and who I appreciate more than she knows. Should I be living closer to her? What are my real priorities?
JONATHAN: who seems to get me even when I’m absolutely nuts (which is often) and want me around anyway. Who took me for long drives at night when there was something I needed to talk about, who has seen me cry and laugh and embarrass myself, and who somehow, I have let fade from my life. Is there anyway to un-fade him?
ERIKA: who I have always been close to in a way that isn’t impacted by long periods of no communication. Who I have more in common with than most, and who I can’t imagine being 30 years old and not talking to.
FRANKIE- who slowly, but out of nowhere, has exploded into the center of my life with his depth and unwavering compassion. Who makes me smile and laugh every single day and knows me well enough to know the difference between when I need a hug or a few minutes of silence, when I need someone to vent to or just need someone to take out the trash in the office. Who is not just a coworker, not just someone to kill time with in the summer, but more like a soul mate friend, someone I desperately want to keep in my life. Will we be able to keep in touch as much as I want to?
nicole — as scary as all that may be, all those people want to stay in your life as badly as you want to keep them there. you will always, always, have caring, interesting and loving people in your life, because your friends are a reflection of all the great things you are. new york, california, or idaho - it doesnt matter where you are. these are the people you will surround yourself with and who always be a part of your life, so long as they are lucky enough to have you let them.